Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I like your teeth...

Now, I know these people exist. I've heard of them. I've just never experienced something like this first hand. Enjoy:

I was at Wal-Mart yesterday (already makes more sense!) returning a few items. The line to customer service was a little long, but I didn't want to have to come back, so I decided to forge ahead. As I was standing there the man in front of me looks at me and says, "You have two different shoes on". I then look down, even though I knew I didn't, only because I HAVE done this before! :) As I see that I have the same shoe on both my feet he says, "Oh, no you don't. They way you were standing made it look like you had two different shoes on." I reply, "You had me scared there for a bit."
The crazy man at walmart (CMAW) then says to me, "Whoa! You have nice teeth." (really, nice teeth...??)
Me, "Thank You".
CMAW, "How old are you?"

At this point, I want to entertain this a bit, I still have a while in line!

Me, "How old do you think I am?"
CMAW, "21"
Me "No, but thank you!"
CMAW, "25"
Me, "No, but thanks"
CMAW, "20?"
Me, "No, but thanks ALOT!"
Me, "I'm 29"
CMAW, "No way!" (yes way)
CMAW, "How old do you think I am?"

I pause for a moment, not sure if I should respond to this, but what the heck, "umm..41?"

CMAW, "That's close...real close."

Some silence, I'm not sure where it's gonna go from here. I didn't have to wait long.

CMAW, "Do you know why I look my age?"

Ummm....awkward silence. Again, not for long.

CMAW, "I fight."
Me, "Oh, like AFC fighting?"
CMAW, "Kind of, but I'm too old for that, I do Ji Jitsu (sp?)."
Me, "Oh, I see."
CMAW, "Let me tell you a little bit about the MMA and AFC fighting.....(he went on some big thing about how they didn't use to have cages and pads, or something of that nature. I wasn't quite following)
Me, "Uh huh"
CMAW, "I wish they would have had that when I was younger. Would have kept me out of jail."

A kind nod from my direction. Wonderful!
At this time I then pull left hand more in the way of the eye. I know where this is headed.
He switched subjects at this point and started talking of sitting on the couch and flipping through T.V. channels. I nodded again.

CMAW, "Sometimes when I'm bored of flipping through channels I go to work."
Me, " Yes, it's always nice to have a little cushioning in the bank isn't it?"

A little more awkward silence..

CMAW, "So do you know anything about Ji Jitsu?"
Me, "No."
CMAW, "Well I like to invite, now I'm gentle, but I like to invite girls over and well, wrestle with 'em a bit. But I'm gentle."

Oh yes, the old "wrestling routine"
I couldn't respond. Didn't know how. A few thoughts were going through my head, such as, I wonder if he's going to follow me? Is there cameras getting all of this? And of course, this is really happening to me.

CMAW, "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Me, "I have a husband."
CMAW, "A husband? I didn't even look at your fingers yet!"

Ah yes, my teeth and fingers

CMAW, "Don't ever cheat on him"
Me, "Deal"
CMAW, "Don't let him cheat on you"
Me, "Okay"
CMAW, "I was married once. She cheated on me. I have a kid though."
Me, "Oh, how old is your kid?"
CMAW, "She's 23. She's got a kid too. Now I'm a grandpa."
Me, "That's cool. Kids are fun.'
CMAW, "Yeah, but they're in California and I'm in Alaska"
Me, "Yes."

At this point, we still have a bit of a line ahead of us...

Me, "What part of California?"
CMAW, "Chico. But I'm from the Sacramento area."
Me, "Oh, my husband is from the Sacramento area, Lincoln actually."
CMAW, "oh yeah" (while nodding with slight confusion)
CMAW, "so your family's from California?"
Me, "No, my husband is from California, my family is in Utah".
CMAW, "Ahhh..Utah, that's a nice place too. You must be a farmer. There's lots of farms there."
Me, "No, I grew up in the city. My husband grew up on more of a farm than I did".

Line is moving forward some. It's his turn.

CMAW, "That's amazing. Your from the farm and grew up in the city and he's from the city and grew up on a farm."

Me with a kind nod, now in complete bewilderment.

Immediately after he's moved to a cashier the lady right next to him opens up. I walk forward and start to return my items. I look over and he's there cashing his government check. Unfortunately, the check wasn't dated until 2/3/10. It was 2/2/10. The whole thing could have been avoided!

Note to self...don't go close to Wal-mart at the beginning of the month!


Lea-log family said...

very funny (and creepy)! this story actually makes me greatful for my screaming 2 year old the last time I was in a Walmart customer service line--at least he repelled any unwanted conversations with strange older men!

Kory said...

Welcome back! That story is radical! So... how was the wrestling match? Your house looks awesome. You guys did a good job. It's almost planting season here in Utah, you should come down and help.

Amy said...

haha so great! seriously your house looks great!

jenny said...

I second the screaming kid comment. Much easier to avoid weirdos when you can't actually hear what they are saying. Your house is SO CUTE! Where did you get the picture wires with clips? I thought Ikea had them, but we couldn't find them the last time we were there. Don't worry, in our part of Utah there are still 3 feet of snow on the ground.